Tuesday, May 20, 2008

Things I learned living in Texas

1. A possum is a flat animal that sleeps in the middle of the road.

2. There are 5,000 types of snakes and 4,998 of them live in Texas

3. There are 10,000 types of spiders. All 10,000 of them live in Texas

4. If it grows, it'll stick ya. If it crawls, it'll bite cha.

5. "Onced" and "Twiced" are words.

6. It is not a shopping cart, it's a buggy.

7. "Jaw-P?" means, "Did y'all go to the bathroom?

8. People actually grow and eat okra.

9. "Fixinto" is one word.

10. There is no such thing as "lunch." There is only dinner and then there
is supper.

11. Iced tea is appropriate for all meals, and you start drinking it when
you're two. We do like a little tea with our sugar.

12. Backwards and forwards means, "I know everything about you."

13. The word "jeet" is actually a phrase meaning, "Did you eat?"

14. You don't have to wear a watch, because it doesn't matter what time it
is. You work until you're done or it's too dark to see.

15. You don't PUSH buttons, you MASH EM.

16. "No. Jew?" is a common response to the question, "Did you bring any
beer?"

17. You measure distance in minutes.

18. You switch from heat to A/C in the same day.

19. All the festivals across the state are named after a fruit, vegetable,
grain, insect or animal.

20. You know what a "DAWG" is.

21. You carry jumper cables in your car --- for your OWN car.

22. You only own five spices: salt, pepper, Texas Pete , Tabasco and
Ketchup.

23. The local papers cover national and international news on one page, but
require 6 pages for local gossip and high school football.

24. You think that the first day of deer season is a national holiday.

25. You find 100 degrees Fahrenheit "a bit warm."

26. You know all four seasons: Almost summer, summer, still summer, and
Christmas.

27. Going to Wal-Mart is a favorite past time known as "goin' Wal-Martin"
or "off to Wally World."

28. You describe the first cool snap (below 70 degrees) as good stew
weather.

29. Fried catfish is the other white meat.

30. We don't need no dang driver's ed. If our mama says we can drive, we
can drive, dag-nabbit.

31. You understand these jokes.